I said goodbye to him and planted a kiss in y palm before rubbing my hand along the grave marker. I then started walking back towards the car and back to the house we shared for all those years. Although I loved visiting my husband every holiday, I also knew that my least favorite holidays were starting soon after. It seemed like ever since he was killed, the town had sent out an ordinance that decreed that every family should try to invite me to Sunday dinner or something. Every week, I politely turned down offers because I knew soon after I arrive that the conversation would die off because the host or hostess would be afraid of what to say to me. I’m not a delicate flower by any means, but the silence makes things so much more difficult. A quick stop by the grocery store gave our town minister a chance to invite me to Thanksgiving. The reader may remember that this minister had a son named Samuel who I have written about a few times. The same Samuel conned me into sex with him. They want to produce an album together with us. It's a unique project, in which we Girls won't copythe Boys, but do something original together with them - Neil and me singing. Both band names will appear on thecover. It will be my greatest dream come true, and we will go to the West End Boys and join them for a while."You're in love, and it feels like pain" (Can you forgive her?)Too bad Neil is gay. But I will please him by offering the services of my personal slave. You will do it, whateverhe wishes and anytime when he wishes. If you love me, you must become his slut. If he asks, I might rent you outto Neil for a longer period, or even give you to him as a gift of friendship and reverence. If you love me andwant to improve my life and help me in what is really important for me, you'll understand that this will be ofutmost importance and be happy to be used for my stronger connection to Neil."So I look back upon my lifeForever with a sense of shameI've always been the one to.
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